October 17, 2012

The Best Debate Ever!

I usually don't post about politics on my blog. This is because I prefer to leave that to the professionals, like NPR or the Post or the almighty Onion. But during the debate last night, my little brain started churning and I couldn't help but think...

Maybe I should plan the next debate! 'Cause I would make it completely AWESOMESAUCE! 

GIF via Buzzfeed
And so, I hereby announce the important changes that I would make to the debate!

First up, the moderator. Granted, I have to give props to Martha Raddatz and Candy Crowley but even they would pale in comparison to...

MODERATOR DUMBLEDORE!


The Hogwarts Headmaster would be a fantastic moderator, don't you think? He's judicious and even-keeled, and he can keep any political candidate (or evil dark wizard) in line. Plus, Alby has a wand. If Obama or Romney overstep their allotted time limit...CRUCIO, BITCHES! 

Kidding, kidding! Obviously, Dumbledore would never use an unforgivable curse but I'm sure he has some interesting hexes and spells in his arsenal. 

Second, the format. I liked last night's "Town Hall" style but I definitely think we could still kick it up a notch. For example, maybe the candidates should debate via song! Even better, they could slug it out like the Battle Rounds on The Voice!

Image via KnowYourMeme.com
Honestly, a singing debate could actually work! Both candidates have crooned at political events--Romney opted for an American classic while Obama chose a smooth Al Green tune--and so they both have the singing chops. Besides, who doesn't like a good sing-off?

Lastly, the candidates themselves. Let's face it. Last night's debate was certainly interesting and even entertaining at some points--but we can do better, America. I want to see more weighty issues debated and discussed. So for the next debate, I offer up a new batch of candidates!

Lord Sauron vs. Emperor Palpatine
The Debate: So You Want to Conquer the Universe/Middle Earth. Now what?

Cedric Diggory vs. Edward Cullen
The Debate: Should RPattz break up with KStew? 

Hugh Laurie vs. Robert Downey, Jr.
The Debate: Why I Should've Been Cast as Haymitch

Sarah Palin vs. Tina Fey Impersonating Sarah Palin
The Debate: I Can See Russia From My House! No Really!

Cady Heron vs. Regina George
The Debate: So whatever happened to Glen Coco?

So there you have it! The Best Political Debate Ever! 

Now, if only someone would really put me in charge...

8 comments:

  1. What DID happen to Glen Coco?! America must know!

    These are such fabulous ideas. I would totally pretend to be an undecided voter to get into the live audience for this. (But obviously I've already absentee voted for Emperor Palpatine.)

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  2. Caroline, I literally LOLed at all your debate ideas. I want to see each and everyone one of them. Now.

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  3. Too funny! I'd love to watch your debates. :)

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  4. Yes, a thousand times yes. We need more singing competitions from our political leaders!

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  5. Caroline for Prez!!!

    I really do think that we should add a back talking component. So that when a candidate doesn't really answer a question the moderator can call them out on it. "Romney, that really wasn't an answer, get your head out of your ass and lay out your tax plan in black and white." "Obama, blaming the former president isn't a real answer as to why the employment rate sucks 4 years later."

    I'd love to see the Hugh & Robert debate. Both would have been great for Haymitch. (Watched the Hunger Games last night on DVD and am thinking about reading the books again.. Shhh don't tell)

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  6. This is glorious. I laughed so hard at this. I would love to see Palpatine vs. Sauron. You're my hero for the day.

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  7. OMG, Caroline, absolutely love this! This kind of fun is brilliant when we get a little too bogged down in real-life politics. :) Thank you!

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  8. I LOVE it! That's a debate I would totally watch!

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