I just got off the phone with my little sister, Kristy, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy swim inside my stomach. You see, Kristy is a sophomore in college and I always get nostalgic whenever I talk to her. Ah, to be nineteen again! Giggling with my roommates, going skiing for the first time, flirting with cute boys...
*Sigh*
I guess I've always had a problem with envy. Out of the seven deadly sins, this is the one that I have struggled with the most. In the fourth grade, I totally coveted Ashley Johnson's wardrobe; and in high school, I really wanted to look like Lindsay Fox (she always got all of the boys! No fair!). Even today, I find myself staring at Justin's new iPhone and all I can think is, "I want, I want, I want!" After all, my own cell phone could surely use an upgrade...
For the most part though, I've usually been able to contain my little green monster of envy. Whenever it rears its slimy head, I try my best to banish it to the bowels of my consciousness. I focus on all of the wonderful things I've been blessed with--good friends! a full tummy! new books from Border's!--and I'm often able to suppress these spurts of envious longing.
But but but...
Writing! Oh my goodness. I've never been tested this hard before. I swear, my little envy monster leaps out of his hidey-hole whenever I start reading Publisher's Weekly or the various writerly blogs on my blogroll. I feel it each time I read stuff by Kate DiCamillo or Ann Brashares. (Man, these women can write!) And I feel it each time I read about a new book deal on Absolute Write. It chews on my shoulder and rubs it scaly hands over my eyes. Oh, how I hate Envy.
This is what I imagine Envy to look like: that freaky character from Spiderman.
Honestly, I have had enough of envy. It has plagued me for my entire life and I'm really beginning to understand why it's one of the "deadliest" sins. It weighs on you. It prevents you from being grateful for what you have. It blinds you from seeing all of the wonderful things in your life.
And I really have so much to be grateful for! A wonderful husband who makes me feel loved. A warm house to sleep in at night. A great city at my fingertips. Health, happiness, and a bit of money to keep me fed.
