January 25, 2011

Teaser Tuesday!

Wow, I've never posted a teaser on my blog before. Aieeee! It's pretty scary. Okay, it's really scary. But it can be fun too, right? Right?!

Below, you'll find the opening from one of my middle grade projects, tentatively titled "Jupiter Crashing" because I couldn't think of anything better. (I'm terrible with titles.) This novel is set about 200 years into the future, and it chronicles the story of Grace Salinger---a twelve-year-old girl aboard a spaceship bound for Jupiter's largest moon, Ganymede. Grace and her family will soon become the newest colonists on this moon...but then disaster strikes. Dun dun dun!

Without further adieu...


          Right before she opened the airlock, Grace Salinger checked over her spacesuit.
          Oxygen levels? Check.
          Pressurization? Check.
          Squeegee and window cleaner? Check on those, too.   
Grace had done this a dozen times already, but she wanted to be extra careful. Outer space was no playground—it could freeze a girl into a popsicle in five seconds flat. At least, that’s what her Grandpa had always said.
Letting out a deep breath, Grace pushed the airlock open and hooked her tether to the clip on the ship’s outer hull. She tugged on the tether once, twice, and then thrice to make sure it had hooked on properly. Then, she let herself fall.
Her arms went weightless.
Her legs dangled free.
Her whole body floated through the black ocean of space.
It felt like she was swimming—only this was a thousand times better. Grace couldn’t help but smile, reminded of the long afternoons she used to spend in her grandfather's backyard pond. Her smile faltered a little. There wouldn't be any ponds where she was going now. 
With a turn of her head, Grace stared upward at the giant planet of Jupiter, which loomed a few thousand miles in front the ship. The planet looked like a huge piece of lasagna with its layers of red and orange and white gases. The only thing it needed was some parmesan cheese and a tall glass of soda. A delicious astronomical dinner.   
Up ahead, Grace could also make out the rocky surface of Jupiter’s largest moon Ganymedetheir final destination. In a few short days, the 200-person crew of the USS Maryland would land on Ganymede's surface and become the newest colonists on the frozen world.
            But first, Grace had chores to do.

I'm not too thrilled about the first sentence to be honest. I think it reads a little awkwardly. I've been trying to brainstorm new ones but I'm not sure if any of them are better:

Option 1: "With her helmet in hand, Grace Salinger looked down to double-check her spacesuit."

Option 2: "Grace Salinger snapped on her helmet and proceeded to double-check her spacesuit."

Hmmm, lots to ponder! But first, I must finish my YA dystopian... 

4 comments:

  1. Love this! But this is why I hate snippets ... now I want to read the rest, and can't :( Whenever you need a beta ... :)

    What about "Standing next to the airlock, Grace Salinger checked her spacesuit." ? Or a modification of Option 1: "Helmet in hand, Grace Salinger double-checked her spacesuit."

    And dude, I wish my childhood chores included squeegee-ing a spaceship!

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  2. Ha, Lynn's recommended sentence is EXACTLY what I was going to write. Love this, Caroline. You're such a gifted writer!

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  3. Teaser Tuesday? Does this mean we get something EVERY tuesday? Cause that would be awesome.

    I like some version of the original better than your other two options because I liked knowing I was suddenly on a space ship in the very first sentence. Not at space camp. Not at a children's museum. But on a space ship, hand on the airlock. Very cool.

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  4. Ah, thanks guys for the lovely comments!

    Lynn, your sentences rock! And I will definitely turn to you when I need to find a beta! Hmm, this story might not be finished for a long time though... Haha.

    Jana, your comment brightened my day. Thank you!

    Lisa, I think I might be too much of a chicken to post teasers every week!

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