The Cup of Life!

When I was a sophomore in high school, I had a gargantuan crush on a boy named Joe Massie. He was a senior and he knew how to drive. He had corn-silk blonde hair and dashing blue eyes. He was God's gift to Winston Churchill High School and I was a devoted worshipper.

Joe was also captain of the soccer team, which prompted me to attend as many soccer games as possible. I could stare at him for ninety minutes straight, allowing me to drink in this 17 year-old Adonis unabashedly. And when he wasn't on the field, I could stare at the other handsome players on the team, like school heart-throb Josh Hughes (tall, lean, and dreamy).

I soon noticed that soccer was much more fun to watch than high school football. First, Churchill football was horrendous. During my junior year, we only won one game and we only won because the school we beat didn't have a senior class. The soccer team, on the other hand, went to the state championship every year---and we all know it's much more entertaining to be winning than losing. Second, high school football games often stretched three or four hours and you had to spend this entire time sitting out in the cold. Soccer games, however, only lasted two hours at most, thus preventing fans from turning into ice cubes. And third, soccer boys were hot. Joe Massie and Josh Hughes were only the tip of the iceberg---the entire Churchill soccer team was smokin'!

Now that the World Cup is here again, I have become permanently attached to the TV and I love soccer. I watch it at home and I read about it at work. I love cheering for the underdogs (Trinidad & Tobago, the U.S.) as well as the powerhouses (England). If only I was paid to watch the World Cup, then the world would be a perfect place.

I'd probably watch the World Cup even if it was played by hairy trolls. But luckily for me, the players aren't hairy trolls in the least---they're more like GQ models. Take for instance, Carlos Bocanegra of the U.S. Forget about Dr. McDreamy on "Grey's Anatomy." Bocanegra forever! And I can't fail to mention the entire Australian national team because all of them are oh-so-cute. I've always dreamt of marrying an Australian soccer player and watching them on the telly only makes me want to fulfill this goal even more.

Viva la copa de vida!