June 27, 2011

I'm quitting writing! But...now what do I do?

Forgive the inflammatory blog post title! No, I'm not quitting writing. (I can't do it! I just can't!) But two weeks ago, during my jaunt to the Pit of Despair, I had a moment where I seriously wanted to give it all up. Here's a peek into my thought process...

Me: *Sobs* I hate writing! It's too hard! I can't do this anymore!
Brain: You need to slap yourself. Stop crying, for the love of God.
Me: *Sobs*
Brain: Ugh, fine. Whatever. If you're going to quit writing, then what're you going to do next?
Me: Um...?
Brain: Careers? Professions? What's the plan?
Me: *Thinks for a long time* I don't love anything more than writing.
Brain: Good. Now, stop crying. Pick up your laptop and get back to work.
Me: Yes, Brain. Thank you, Brain. Sometimes, I kind of hate you, Brain.

I'm sure all of you can totally relate! I mean, don't we all have pretend conversations with our brains? Why, just yesterday my Brain and I were taking a walk and discussing who should win So You Think You Can Dance this season...

But I digress.

So yeah. There are moments when I seriously want to give up writing. But then I think about how empty my life would be if I didn't type another word, if I didn't write another story. And that's not the kind of life I want. BUT! If the following three jobs happened to exist, I might be tempted to put novel-writing on the back burner, at least for a few years or so.

1. JEDI KNIGHT!

Seriously, folks. How freaking awesome would it be to become a Jedi Knight?! Cool light saber, awesome robes, meetings with Yoda! I could zip around the galaxy in my uber-cool spaceship and zap Sith Lords with my uber-neat saber skills. And I'd have the Force! I could move things with my mind and find the remote control with the swish of my hand. 

In one word: bad-assery. 

(Yeah, that's definitely not a real word.)

2. PANDA RANCHER!


I totally made up this job but you know what? I don't care! 'Cause what would be more awesome than a panda rancher? I'd spend my days cuddling with cute baby pandas, cultivating my bamboo crops for them to eat, and then cuddling with more pandas at night!

Pandas don't kill people, right? Hmm, I should do more research on this...

3. HOGWARTS ART TEACHER!


When it comes to employment opportunities at Hogwarts, I'm not terribly qualified for any of them.

Herbology? I'm awful with plants.
Quidditch Instructor? I'm bad at sports, even magical ones.
Gameskeeper? Love animals. Hate shoveling poop.

But Hogwarts is in desperate need of an art teacher, don't you think? Dumbledore should definitely hire me! I mean, I'm pretty good with paints and watercolors. (OK, not really.) I can draw. (Kind of.) And I can make ceramics! (Maybe.) I'm super qualified! Plus, I think Hogwarts could use a few more talking portraits, right? And who better to tackle such a job than a Muggle like myself? Equal employment opportunity, yo!

There you have it! Those are the 3 jobs I would gladly take in case I ever give up writing. (I'd also be more than happy to captain the Starship Enterprise. Make it so!) Anyone hear of any job openings?

So what sort of fantastical jobs would you guys want to tackle? Come one! I know you have one!

10 comments:

  1. Glad your brain set you straight.

    OK, I can't imagine pandas ever eating humans. First, they're super slow, so if they tried to chase you, you could easily run away. Second, they seem a bit too lazy to attempt to eat a human. Third, they're SO CUTE! I mean, I look at those big heads and fat little bodies and the way they always seem to be falling down and I can't imagine them even roaring like a bear. Set me straight if I'm wrong. Preferably before I lose an arm in an attempt to pet a panda at the zoo.

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  2. You could work at a panda preserve, but you'd have to move to China. And I won't allow that :-P

    I want to be a dragon wrangler!

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  3. OMG PANDAS MAKE ME DIE FROM CUTENESS. *cuddles image* I think those are excellently wise career choices, Caroline. *nods seriously*

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  4. I could be a Hogwarts herbologist, that would be cool...maybe when Pottermore comes online.

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  5. I once considered becoming an Alligator Wrestler. I figured it might be a whole lot easier than being a mother of four teenagers.
    I also considered giving up writing at a point in time. I told myself I could be perfectly happy just READING books, not having to write them. It didn't take for me either.

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  6. Lol, I would LOVE to be a panda rancher. I keep scrolling up to look at that adorable pic. :)

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  7. OMG pandas are so cute.

    I'd like to be a baker. Except I'm pretty sure I'd eat everything and weigh three hundred pounds.

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  8. This post cracked me up. Pandas are adorable. I think raising puppies would be pretty amazing too. Although, I might die from the cuteness.

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  9. Art Teacher at Hogwarts is so doable. They have so many paintings, you'd have to be a part-time Curator. Just in case one of them gets damaged again.

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  10. The 3 jobs are cool. ;-)

    You're complaining about writing? And I can't even think of a blog post. LOL. ;-)

    The writing will come. Look at what you've accomplished so far.

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