December 19, 2010

Writing as a Refuge

Every now and then, I start to look at writing as a bit of a burden. Don't get me wrong! I absolutely love it. But writing can be hard, you know? Slogging through the rough draft, tackling massive revisions, and receiving rejections from left to right. It's not always a walk in the park.

But writing is also my refuge. When times get tough--and they've gotten really tough as of late--I look to writing as my getaway. My peace. My solace. It whirls me away from the stress of daily life and it takes me into the world of my story. For an hour or two, I can stop worrying about nurses and chaplains and pills, and I can focus on my characters and plot and tone. It's the ultimate escape.

I am in Seattle right now. I've been here for nearly a week and I'll probably stay until early January. My father-in-law is very sick. His cancer has spread from his colon to his liver and he entered hospice care two weeks ago. It's...hard. It's hard to see such a wonderful man dying before his time. And it's hard to see my husband mourn for a father he will lose far too soon. We sit and wait, sit and wait. We wait for Death to arrive on his dark black horse. We can already hear its hoof-beats. 

When I get some free time for myself, I check my email and I read. I don't have much energy to comment on my favorite blogs or to even reply to comments on my own blogs, but I do try to write. Sometimes it's hard to get started because all I want to do is close my eyes and cry. And yet, writing is my solace. My refuge.

There are times when I get so frustrated by writing that I want to throw my little netbook at the wall. But right now, I'm really glad I have it. New book. New scenes. New plot. It gives me some hope, you know? 

11 comments:

  1. It's very brave of you to share this.

    My father died of cancer and my grandfather wasted away a year after my nana died, and it's heartbreaking when you're forced to sit there and watch it happen.

    I'm so sorry to hear about you father-in-law's condition, CTR.

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  2. I'm so sorry to here that this is happening to your family. I only hope that you all make it through this with wonderful memories of your time together with your father-in-law. Also, he can live on in your writing as a character, or your writing can be that safe haven where you can spend time to give you a break from the heaviness of reality. Also, a good cry never hurts anyone, it's actually a great release of stress.

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear this. It's such a difficult situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.

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  4. I'm so sorry Caroline, my Dad died of cancer, it's a vile disease. I'm so glad that writing is bringing you a little light in the darkness.

    Take care my thoughts are with you.

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  5. I am sorry thing are so tough right now.

    Sending love your way.

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  6. I'm so sorry this is such a difficult time for you. *hugs* Writing really is an amazing escape, and I'm so glad you have that right now. You also have us! <3

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear this. All my best to you, Justin, and his family.

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  8. Thinking of you & your family, Caroline. I'm glad you have your writing to help you. And Angry Birds too. :)

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  9. I'll be praying for you and Justin and his father and your whole family. That's so heartbreaking to go through. I'm so, so sorry. Sending hugs your way.

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  10. Thinking of you Caroline - so sorry you are having such a dark holiday season. Sending hugs from Chicago:)

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  11. so, where are you exactly?? seattle the city? or just near it? if you need to get out, a change of scenery (HA! there's just tree's up here!!) let me know. i'm closer to olympia, but you are welcome to come. and while you're here, go buy some vit D3. you will need it.

    my heart hurts for both of you.

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