August 29, 2008

The Strangest Weirdest Oddest Dream I Have Ever Dreamt

About a week ago I woke up in the middle of the night with my brain spinning with the aftermath of the most bizzare dream I have ever dreamt. I shook Justin awake and told him everything that had happened---and he gave me a weird stare and said, "You're kidding me, right?"

Seriously folks, this dream was out of this world.

So in this nightmare, I look into the mirror one morning and notice a wart growing on the right side of my forehead. Round, bulging, and witch-like. Pretty ugly, I know. I poked and prodded at the wart for a few minutes, frowning at the ghastly sight and hoping it would go away in a couple of days.

But no, the wart did not disappear in a few days. Instead, it decided to move in and stay awhile on my forehead---because this was the wart from hell.

The next morning in my dream, I was aghast to find my wart had morphed into a three-inch penis sticking straight out of my head. That's right---a three-inch erect penis had sprouted in the middle of the night. ON. MY. HEAD.

And the strangest part of all? I didn't even freak out or scream in terror. I merely furrowed my brows and rearranged my bangs, hoping that my hair would adequately cover the growing monstrosity spewing from my face.

A few minutes later, I woke up.

And a week later, I'm still ruminating over the meaning of this strange, weird, odd, bizzare nightmare that my subconscious mind found a way to concoct. Thus far, I have deduced three implications from this dream:

1.) I secretly harbor a desire to become a man.
2.) I secretly harbor a desire for a penis.
3.) I secretly harbor a desire to transform into a unicorn.

I'm in desperate need of a Freudian psychoanalysis...


  1. That is hilarious. I have been having totally weird dreams lately too but nothing quite that cryptic. Be sure to tell me what your shrink says about it... :)

  2. i'd go with the unicorn. cause seriously, who would really want a penis??? always getting in the way, kinda ugly.... yeah, go for the unicorn.e

  3. I don't know if dreaming of growing a penis ON YOUR FACE means you want one. Maybe it means you really DON'T want one.

    Seriously though, you should turn that one into a short story or something.

  4. Hmm. Very Kafka like. Maybe it's not that you WISH you were a man, but that the masculine aspects of your personality are parts that you wish to hide because you feel they are improper and unladylike?

  5. Sounds like one of my crazy sleep talking dreams. Maybe I wore off on you. Sorry!