August 29, 2008

The Strangest Weirdest Oddest Dream I Have Ever Dreamt

About a week ago I woke up in the middle of the night with my brain spinning with the aftermath of the most bizzare dream I have ever dreamt. I shook Justin awake and told him everything that had happened---and he gave me a weird stare and said, "You're kidding me, right?"

Seriously folks, this dream was out of this world.

So in this nightmare, I look into the mirror one morning and notice a wart growing on the right side of my forehead. Round, bulging, and witch-like. Pretty ugly, I know. I poked and prodded at the wart for a few minutes, frowning at the ghastly sight and hoping it would go away in a couple of days.

But no, the wart did not disappear in a few days. Instead, it decided to move in and stay awhile on my forehead---because this was the wart from hell.

The next morning in my dream, I was aghast to find my wart had morphed into a three-inch penis sticking straight out of my head. That's right---a three-inch erect penis had sprouted in the middle of the night. ON. MY. HEAD.

And the strangest part of all? I didn't even freak out or scream in terror. I merely furrowed my brows and rearranged my bangs, hoping that my hair would adequately cover the growing monstrosity spewing from my face.

A few minutes later, I woke up.

And a week later, I'm still ruminating over the meaning of this strange, weird, odd, bizzare nightmare that my subconscious mind found a way to concoct. Thus far, I have deduced three implications from this dream:

1.) I secretly harbor a desire to become a man.
2.) I secretly harbor a desire for a penis.
3.) I secretly harbor a desire to transform into a unicorn.

I'm in desperate need of a Freudian psychoanalysis...

5 comments:

  1. That is hilarious. I have been having totally weird dreams lately too but nothing quite that cryptic. Be sure to tell me what your shrink says about it... :)

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  2. i'd go with the unicorn. cause seriously, who would really want a penis??? always getting in the way, kinda ugly.... yeah, go for the unicorn.e

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  3. I don't know if dreaming of growing a penis ON YOUR FACE means you want one. Maybe it means you really DON'T want one.

    Seriously though, you should turn that one into a short story or something.

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  4. Hmm. Very Kafka like. Maybe it's not that you WISH you were a man, but that the masculine aspects of your personality are parts that you wish to hide because you feel they are improper and unladylike?

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  5. Sounds like one of my crazy sleep talking dreams. Maybe I wore off on you. Sorry!

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