Caroline 2008

I am going to run for president! I've had enough with the current administration and I am not too keen on the supposed candidates for 2008. (Please not George Allen! Hillary or McCain would be OK though.) It's time for an average, regular joe citizen to take control of the White House and I'm ready and willing to fulfill such a position. Three cheers for Caroline in 2008!

I am not a registered Democrat or Republican so I will run as an independent. Some of my platforms:

1.) Build a stable and safe Iraq. I'm going to sit down with the generals in Iraq and ask them what needs to be done to secure the country. Do they need more troops? Do they need better equipment? I'll give it to them. I want stability to be established as soon as possible. Then, I will talk to the various military officials, including generals, who fought in Iraq but who are now speaking out against the Bush administration. I want to know what needs to change in our tactics and strategy. I want to fix what we're doing wrong right now.

At the same time, I will consult a variety of scholars, diplomats, and foreign officials who have a thorough understanding of Iraq and the Middle East. How can we establish a liberal democracy in Iraq? How can we quell the fighting between Sunnis, Shiites, and Kurds?

2.) Continue waging war in the War on Terror. This means going after Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda. This means making Afghanistan safe and building up its economy. This means eradicating the radical madrassas that brainwash their students with anti-Western rhetoric and train them to become suicide bombers. (I'm not sure how we can do this latter option, but I'm open for suggestions.)

Waging this War on Terror also means securing American borders. And no, I'm not talking about building a wall along the Rio Grande. I'm talking about securing our ports, trains, and subways. I ride on the DC Metro every day and I know firsthand how vulnerable it is to a terrorist attack. Again, I am unsure how to make our transporation systems more safe, but I will talk to anti-terrorist experts (like Richard Clarke) who may have some good ideas.

3.) Increase humanatarian aid both domestically and internationally. I want to adequately take care of Hurricane Katrina and Rita victims and I also want to do something about Africa. First off, we need to stop the genocide in Sudan. I don't think we currently have any spare troops to send into Darfur, but we do have a lot of political weight to throw around. We need to give the Sudanese government an ultimatum---let the UN peacekeepers in or we're going to bomb you. (Something like that...) I am so sick and tired of reading about the ongoing slaughter in Darfur! Something has to be done and I won't let a genocide occur under my watch.

4.) Universal health insurance. OK, this sounds a bit expensive so we probably can't implement a universal health insurance plan during my tenure as president, but at least we can start making health insurance more affordable. I'm going to talk to Mitt Romney and see how he created a new health benefits plan in Massachusetts to insure that everyone is covered. Perhaps somehow this can be implemented on a national scale. Either way, millions of Americans live without health insurance and I find that very risky. (I know, I was one of them.)

5.) Raising the minimum wage. About a month ago, a bill entered the Chicago legislative council that would require big businesses to increase the minimum wages of their employees. (Around $10 per hour, I believe.) Unfortunately, this bill was struck down, but I would like to create a similar sort of law on the national level. I especially want to target Walmart. Ah, evil Walmart. If you don't think Walmart is evil, then I suggest you read Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich. I don't want to put Walmart out of business, but I do want it to start paying a living wage to its employees. Beware big business! Caroline is out to get you.

6.) Education. The American public school system sucks. That is my slogan when it comes to education. It is appalling that we are the world's foremost superpower but our schools are only sub-par. Something needs to change. Is there any way we can pay teachers more money so more people will want to teach? Is there any way we can improve our depressing lackluster inner-city schools?

7.) Appoint Fareed Zakaria to an important position in my administration. Vice President? Secretary of State? I love Fareed. I think he is incredibly intelligent and has an excellent grasp on both domestic and foreign affairs. He'll definitely be someone I talk to often, along with John McCain, Bill Clinton, Richard Clarke, and Justin. :o)

So there it is. Of course, there are many other issues that I will need to address, like illegal immigration, and I will tackle such subjects to the best of my ability. There are two topics, however, that I won't include in my agenda: abortion and gay marriage. Abortion has been legal for over 30 years and I think we're wasting a lot of time and money on this issue that has been established as legal by the Supreme Court. And I think individual states should decide on the legality of gay marriage. Marital law has traditionally been a state right and I will leave it as such. In all honesty, there are genocides occurring in our world and my time and energy is far better spent on ending such turmoils than debating the legality of Bill and Ted's wedding.

You might be wondering, gentle voter, how I will fund all of my platforms while diminishing our national debt. Unfortunately, I am going to have to tax the rich. I'm sorry, but I must. No more tax breaks for you, Mr. Richie Rich! I also plan to "reorganize" federal spending. I work for the government currently and I feel so much money is being wasted---and I'm only at the Smithsonian! With my trusty accountant friends, I will attempt to metaphorically re-upholster our national spending.

If that doesn't work, we will rob Canada!!!