"I wish every BYU student could have heard Jeffry Larson's talk at the Healthy Relationships Conference. I think the University should follow his suggestion to make marriage courses a requirement. All too often, we see freshman girls getting engaged to returned missionaries after few weeks of dating. In any other culture that's sick, but here in Utah it's a wonderful thing. I don't get it.
For a culture that supposedly takes marriage so seriously, I don't think we Mormons take it seriously enough. We're counseled not to delay marriage, but that doesn't mean you should go straight from high school graduation to the temple. Give it time.
As Larson said, 'just because you're in love doesn't mean you should get married,' and 'having fun together doesn't indicate that you will have marriage satisfaction.' It takes way more than two weeks to actually get to know the person you are really dating; it can take months and even years.
I'm all for marriage, but we should give it more time and effort if we really want to treat it as importantly as we say we do. As Larson says, 'Slow the relationship down ... Remember, you're the one who is going to have to live with the other person for a long time.'
Alan Peters
Oak Lawn, Ill."
Undoubtedly, the Daily Universe will receive numerous angry editorials in response to Alan Peters' editorial.
Most likely they will go something like this:
"My name is Kristy Cooke (maiden name Young) and I got married when I was nineteen. My husband and I are now in our third month of marriage and we are just absolutely shining with happiness. In fact, I'm pregnant with quadruplets because we don't believe in birth control!
I just want to tell that mean Alan Peters that he should keep his opinions to himself. He's probably 25 and unmarried and bitter about his prospects for eternal commitment. If he'd like, I can set him up with my seventeen year-old sister, Amy. She's a high school senior and looking for a husband!"
Well, something like that... (Can you see how much I enjoy making fun of the crazy people who submit those strange editorials to the Universe?)
Anyway, three cheers for Alan Peters. I believe that there is a "cult of marriage" at BYU. OK, I'm not bashing marriage and I'm not saying that people shouldn't get married at the Y, but I think some couples jump into the tuxedo and wedding dress way too soon because getting married is "just what people do" after four months of dating.
I think the danger of young brides and grooms is that most of them don't know who they are yet. They haven't had enough time away from home to figure out their dreams, their ambitions, their personal goals. Marriage is a HUGE commitment and only should be made when both parties are mature and ready to give up their selfish desires for the wellbeing of their marriage. And I agree wholeheartedly with the notion that it takes more than love and having fun together to create a solid and successful marriage.
I would like to believe if some couples took more time dating, then the percentage of divorce in the Church would drop. I think I would put some money on that.
The Daily Universe Editorials: Messages from Heaven
