Behold! The Worst Book Ever Written

When I was in college, my friend Mike held a Bad Movie Club at his house every week. On Wednesday or Thursday evenings a group of BYU students and Provo-ites gathered to watch horrendously awful movies. Like "From Justin to Kelly," which really is awful.

If I was to start a Bad Book Club, then "The Wednesday Letters" by Jason F. Wright would be at the top of the list. I mean, this book isn't just bad. It's baaaaaaad. Not only is the prose cliche and the characters completely one-dimensional, the entire storyline is cheesy and melodramatic. The icing on the cake? An overt---and kind of laughable---anti-abortion message. Ugh.

Now I'm having an internal debate if I should attend my real-life book club this upcoming Thursday. Yep. Our book of the month is "The Wednesday Letters" and I think I might ruin everyone else's evening once I open my big mouth. I usually try my best to refrain from making too many comments and I usually try to give each book the benefit of the doubt. But I know I can't stop myself from yelling "THIS IS THE WORST BOOK I HAVE EVER READ!" and thus spoil everyone's dinner. (We're meeting at a restaurant.)

To prove my point, here are some passages from the story:

1.) Some background information on this passage: main character Malcolm returns to his hometown after spending two years in South America. He still is fiercely in love with his high school sweetheart Rain who is now engaged to a man named Nathan. Rain originally broke up with Malcolm because she wanted to stay a virgin until she was married and he wanted to rip her clothes off.

"Malcolm eventually learned to appreciate, even admire, [Rain's] faithful chastity. Now it crushed Malcolm to know Nathan was poised to be the beneficiary of her purity."

Ummmm...excuse me? The phrase "beneficiary of her purity" caused huge red flags to wave in my face. I mean, are we still living back in the middle ages when chastity belts were still in vogue? MISOGYNY ALERT!

2.) Some background information on this passage: Malcolm and Rain finally see each other after two years and they talk on the porch swing at Malcolm's parent's house.

"What about your dreams?" Malcolm asked.
"Give me a house full of children who call me Mommy, a man who loves me and who writes me a poem or two now and again, and maybe who can make me a swing like this one, and my dreams will find their way to true," said Rain. any real women talk like this? Sure, a lot of women want to be a mom and they want a good man to marry. But this dialogue just gagged me. Blech, blech, blech. I demand to know who edited this book!

Anyway, the only good thing about this entire ordeal is that my friend Liz lent the book to me. Whew. I'm so glad I didn't spend any of my money on this piece of stinky elephant poop. I truly believe more of my brain cells would have survived if I had spent the time smoking pot.