The Problem with Country One Man

I have always been skeptical of country music. Those honky-tonk sounds and sappy lyrics about drinkin' and cheatin'.

But because of a lovely roommate I had my freshman year of college, I decided country ain't so bad. She introduced me to fun songs by the Rascal Flatts, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Garth Brooks--and even old fogies like Brooks n' Dunn.

However, in the past few years, country music and I have had a falling out. Sometimes, I just can't listen to any more lyrics about living in the South and good ol' red-state values. Perhaps the real reason for the demise of this relationship can be summed up in two words: Toby Keith.

I HATE TOBY KEITH. (Hence the capital letters.) I think he represents everything wrong in America--cut-off jeans that are too short, mullets, big ignorant fat guys who drink too much beer, and ignorance.

These are the lyrics from his magnum opus "Angry American (Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue)":

Ohhh Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you'll be sorry that you messed with The U.S. of A.
'Cause we'll put a boot in your ass
It's the American way

You don't speak for me, Toby! Dont' tell me what the American way is! I was a history major in college! That's c-o-l-l-e-g-e. You should try it some time.

My other beef with Toby is that he raps. Please, oh please, stop rapping! Leave it to the pros, like Dr. Dre and Jay-Z. Fat white ex-football players should not attempt to rap. This is not a smart thing to do. Yes, maybe you are trying to inject some "urban hipness" into the country music scene, but I plead with you Toby, this is not necessary!

Mr. Keith is yet another example of the white man stealing everything from the black man. Oh, the injustices of the American way!

(Haha. Please realize that last sentence was a joke. My hatred towards Toby Keith though, is indeed very real.)

On a closing note, I would like to say that I really do like some country music. Especially the new record by Little Big Town. They sound like a 21st century version of Fleetwood Mac! And so, there's nothing I can say to complain about them. Check out their new CD.