The Strangest Weirdest Oddest Dream I Have Ever Dreamt

About a week ago I woke up in the middle of the night with my brain spinning with the aftermath of the most bizzare dream I have ever dreamt. I shook Justin awake and told him everything that had happened---and he gave me a weird stare and said, "You're kidding me, right?"

Seriously folks, this dream was out of this world.

So in this nightmare, I look into the mirror one morning and notice a wart growing on the right side of my forehead. Round, bulging, and witch-like. Pretty ugly, I know. I poked and prodded at the wart for a few minutes, frowning at the ghastly sight and hoping it would go away in a couple of days.

But no, the wart did not disappear in a few days. Instead, it decided to move in and stay awhile on my forehead---because this was the wart from hell.

The next morning in my dream, I was aghast to find my wart had morphed into a three-inch penis sticking straight out of my head. That's right---a three-inch erect penis had sprouted in the middle of the night. ON. MY. HEAD.

And the strangest part of all? I didn't even freak out or scream in terror. I merely furrowed my brows and rearranged my bangs, hoping that my hair would adequately cover the growing monstrosity spewing from my face.

A few minutes later, I woke up.

And a week later, I'm still ruminating over the meaning of this strange, weird, odd, bizzare nightmare that my subconscious mind found a way to concoct. Thus far, I have deduced three implications from this dream:

1.) I secretly harbor a desire to become a man.
2.) I secretly harbor a desire for a penis.
3.) I secretly harbor a desire to transform into a unicorn.

I'm in desperate need of a Freudian psychoanalysis...

Cultural Factoid of the Week!

Question: What do Chinese spectators cheer at sporting events?

Answer: If you listen closely at an Olympic event in Beijing, you may hear the Chinese crowd cheering, "Jia you! Jia you! Jia you!"

Translated literally, this phrase means "add oil." Translated roughly, this phrase means, "Go, go go!" or "Come on!" or "Faster, faster!" or anything else people say to cheer on their home team.

As I watch the Beijing Olympics, I'm often reminded of the athletic events at my Chinese school where my parents would sign me up for track events and tug-of-war. Even though I had no athletic abilities, my parents would cheer me all the way with the familiar "Jia you! Jia you! Jia you!" that Chinese people love to shout.

Of course, I never won any of my events---I was a slow and weak Asian kid with asthma. (Even slower and weaker and more asthmatic than my classmates!)

Ah, the memories...and oh, how I hated Chinese school.

*"Jia you" is pronounced "Jia yo." In the Chinese pinyin system, "ou" sounds like "oh." Strange, I know.

You are most definitely a redneck if...

...you watch this movie.

Welcome to Nerdville

I am officially a nerd.

I know, I know, you scoff at such a statement...

Wasn't I a full-blown nerd a few years ago? After all, I watched all seven seasons of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" by the age of fourteen. Furthermore, my mad skillz at Boggle would frighten even the most enlightened of wordsmiths. And you don't need to mention how I know all of the words to the theme song of "Gilligan's Island." (I was a huge fan of the show as a kid, okay?)

But now I have done something that cements my nerdness in solid stone.

Are you ready for it?

Okay...[deep breath]...I read a graphic novel earlier this week. I read the whole thing. In two days. And I really, really liked it.

This all started two weeks ago when our Entertainment Weekly arrived in the mail with the cast of "The Watchmen" on the cover. I stared at the magazine with a look of confusion. Hmmm...what was this Watchmen thing about anyway? I had never heard of the movie before but the people at EW seemed to think it was a very big deal.

I perused over the article inside and discovered how "The Watchmen" is based on a graphic novel by the same title, which was published back in the mid-1980s. This story was the only comic book to win the coveted Hugo award, which recognizes great science fiction. And here was the clincher for me---"The Watchmen" is hailed by mainstream critics as the best graphic novel ever written. And they really mean ever written.

"Wow," I thought to myself. "Maybe comic books aren't just for teenage boys with pimples on their faces. Maybe this graphic novel is the real deal."

And so, I went to my local library, checked out a copy of "The Watchmen," and read the damn thing until my eyes could no longer keep themselves propped open. I was pretty much hooked. The story was a bit confusing in some parts and a little far-fetched in others, but overall it was an intriguing read. An interesting take on the whole super hero genre.

After I had finished the novel, I watched "The Watchmen" movie preview three times on the internet and I grew angry when I discovered the movie's release date isn't until March. March! That's eight months from now! How can I wait that long? (Ahem, NERD ALERT!)

So there you have it. I'm a nerd. If you need to talk to me, you can find me parked outside of the movie theater down the street, counting down the days for "The Watchmen" to make it onto the big screen.

And no, I won't be dressed up as a Klingon. I'm not that much of a geek.

Seriously Funny

Justin and I just came home from watching "Pineapple Express." Goodness me, this movie is hilarious! Seriously. It beats out "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" as the funniest film I've seen all year.

As I watched the movie, I actually thought I should memorize some of the jokes so I could write them on my blog to prove just how funny this film was. Alas, my memory isn't as sharp as it used to be and I would never be able to do justice to Seth Rogen's or James Franco's hilarious deliveries.

I'm still chuckling to myself.